The Calm Dog Myth: Why Calm Doesn’t Always Mean Happy
- Deb from Busy Pawz
- Aug 19
- 3 min read
We often hear that a calm dog is a happy dog.
But… what if that “calm” isn’t calm at all?
What if it’s shutdown?
This week’s blog is all about looking beyond the surface and understanding that stillness doesn’t always mean everything’s okay. Because when we start reading our dogs more clearly, we can support them in ways that actually help them feel safe, not just behave.
Calm or Shutdown? Learning the Difference
It’s easy to assume that a dog lying quietly on their mat is feeling relaxed. And sometimes, they are! But there’s a big difference between calm behaviour and a calm nervous system.
Some dogs aren’t resting because they feel safe - they’re still because they feel frozen. Overwhelm and fear don’t always look loud. In fact, they often look quiet.
This is especially true for sensitive dogs who’ve been punished, misunderstood, or repeatedly told to “behave” without ever feeling emotionally safe. Over time, they learn that reacting gets them nowhere… so they stop trying.
But that doesn’t mean they’re okay.
Misread Signals: When Stillness Isn’t Peace
Let’s say a visitor arrives, and your dog doesn’t jump, bark, or growl - they just lie still in the corner. That’s calm, right?
Maybe.
Or maybe your dog’s in freeze mode. Their body might be low, eyes wide, tail tucked, ears back. They’re holding it together… barely.
Many dogs learn to suppress their reactions not because they’ve developed impulse control, but because they’ve given up. That might look like good behaviour, but it can be a sign of deeper stress.
Stillness isn’t always peace. Sometimes it’s a coping strategy.
Calm Shouldn’t Mean Silenced
A dog lying quietly all day isn’t automatically calm - they might just be trying not to get it wrong.
True calm comes from confidence, not compliance.
It’s not about being perfectly behaved. It’s about being emotionally regulated. A dog who’s truly calm still plays, still wags, and still expresses how they feel because they trust that the world around them is safe.
What Real Calm Looks Like
When your dog feels safe and supported, you’ll notice:
Soft, relaxed eyes and face
Loose, wiggly body posture (not stiff or tense)
Willing engagement without being lured or forced
Curiosity and confidence (sniffing, exploring, checking in with you)
The ability to rest deeply and recover well
They’re not just being quiet. They’re relaxed, alert, and able to think clearly.
Emotional Safety Comes First
Lasting calm starts with safety.
Before we ask for behaviour, we need to make sure our dogs feel safe enough to give it.
That means:
Offering choice like moving away from people or situations
Respecting body language especially the subtle signs
Avoiding overwhelm both during training and everyday life
Creating routines that feel predictable and safe
Building trust through support, not pressure
This is how we build dogs who feel calm.. not just act calm.
Start Noticing The Small Things
Is your dog genuinely relaxed, or just being quiet?
Are they soft and loose in their body, or holding tension?
Are they choosing to stay close, or have they stopped trying to leave?
Support how your dog feels before focusing on what they do. Use positive reinforcement to build trust, not pressure to force behaviour. Because when calm comes from safety and confidence, it sticks.
Bonus Tip: Let Them Say No
One of the simplest ways to build trust is to give your dog a way to opt out.
Can they leave the room if they want to? Can they pause the game? Can they take a break from a new situation?
If your dog knows they can say no, they’ll start to feel safe enough to say yes.
Final Thoughts
Let’s stop measuring success by how quiet or “good” our dogs are and start looking at how they feel underneath it all.
Because behaviour is communication. And a dog who looks shut down isn’t thriving… they’re surviving. We can do better. We can create homes and training spaces where dogs feel safe, supported, and understood.
Thanks for reading!
And as always, throw your dog a treat from us!
Deb & the Busy Pawz Crew xo
P.S. Want to learn more about emotional safety, stress, and building true calm?
Download my free guides Chaos to Calm & Beyond Behaviour— both are packed with simple strategies to help your dog feel truly calm (and help you feel less overwhelmed!).
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