Has Positive Dog Training Gone Too Far?

Deb from Busy Pawz
Jun 25
4 min read

Dog on leash pulling and reacting on a walk — reactive dog behaviour explained

One of the biggest myths in modern dog training is that being kind means saying yes to everything. It doesn't. In fact, the opposite is often true. The calmest, most settled dogs I work with usually have two things in common. Their owners are kind, and they're clear.

Somewhere along the way, those two things got separated. We started treating kindness and boundaries as if they belonged on opposite ends of the spectrum, when really, the dogs who feel safest are the ones who get both.

Choice only works as a kindness when your dog is ready for it

Giving our dogs choice seems to have become the marker of good, modern dog ownership. And to an extent, that's true. Choice and consent matter, especially in things like vet visits, grooming, and how a dog interacts with people. Dogs who have some agency over their world tend to be more confident and less anxious.

But choice only works as a kindness when the dog is emotionally equipped to handle it.

It sounds simple, but it explains so much of what gets labelled as "bad behaviour" in young or anxious dogs. Choice and freedom are wonderful things to give a dog, but only once they've got the tools to use them well. Hand that same freedom to a dog who isn't ready, and what you often get back isn't confidence. It's overwhelm.

Imagine walking into a supermarket with a three-year-old and saying, "Buy whatever you'd like." You can picture exactly how that goes. Not because the child is naughty, but because they're completely unequipped to make a decision like that. Too many options, too much freedom, and nowhere near enough experience to know what to do with it.

That's exactly what we're doing when we give young or overwhelmed dogs more freedom than they're ready for. The puppy who has full access to the house and chooses to wee on the rug instead of asking to go outside isn't making a bad choice. They were never equipped to make that choice in the first place.

When too much choice becomes overwhelm

This is the part that gets missed most often. When we hand a dog more choice and freedom than they're emotionally ready for, what we often get back isn't a confident, happy dog making good decisions. We get overwhelm.

And overwhelm in dogs doesn't look like overwhelm in people. It shows up looking like behaviour problems. The dog who won't settle no matter what you try. The dog who seems to test every limit, every single day. The dog who's anxious in situations that should feel pretty low-key. We label all of that as something to train away, when a lot of the time what we're actually looking at is a dog who's been handed too much to navigate, with no structure to help them make sense of it.

A dog who knows what the rules are, what's expected of them, and where the edges of their world sit, can relax into that. A dog who's constantly trying to work out the rules as they go is a dog who's working a lot harder than they need to, just to feel okay.

Boundaries aren't the opposite of gentle

Part of the reason this gets confusing is that boundaries got tangled up with the old, harsher style of training somewhere along the way. If you grew up with the idea that boundaries meant correction and control, it makes sense that the word itself feels uncomfortable now.

But boundaries and gentleness were never opposites. You can guide your dog with clarity and consistency while still being warm and patient about it. Gently steering your puppy back outside instead of letting them wee on the rug isn't being a tyrant. It's being a parent. It's recognising your puppy doesn't yet have the tools to make that call themselves, and stepping in to help them.

What this looks like day to day

In practice, this might mean letting your dog choose which toy to play with, while we keep practising recall often enough that coming when called becomes something they do without a second thought. It might also mean giving your dog choice over where they rest during the day, while bedtime still happens in their crate or a designated area, so they get the proper rest they need.

Final Thoughts

Positive dog training was never meant to mean no structure at all. It means we get there with patience, kindness, and an understanding of how dogs actually learn, rather than fear or force. But gentle and boundary-less are not the same thing, and dogs are telling us that loudly through the behaviours we keep trying to train away.

If your dog seems unsettled, constantly testing limits, or struggling to relax, it might be worth asking whether they've been handed more choice than they're currently equipped to manage. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is simply make the decision for them.

Thanks for reading, and as always, throw your dog a treat from us! 🐾

Deb & the Busy Pawz Crew xo